Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
