i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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