as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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