If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you made out with another girl for some wings
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
