Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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