i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize