I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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