He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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