I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am naked and annoyed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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