I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
whose parrot is this?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
