well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
