It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
