I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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