I've blown a few things in my day
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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