I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
