I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
