I love black thongs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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