My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
