I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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