god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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