let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
