So drunk its hurt
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
