Porn is love you can see.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
