I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
