i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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