Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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