I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize