Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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