I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
