please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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