i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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