I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
