Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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