I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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