Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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