my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
