Soap is not a condiment
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
