I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize