I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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