Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
