fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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