you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
