I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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