so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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