We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
