My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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