It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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