so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
