i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I miss vodka workout Fridays
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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