Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
