they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
