so explain again why im purple
no
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
