but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize