her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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