i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
