When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
