at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
