it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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