wrigley field is MILF paradise
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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