Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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