Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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