I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
