I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize