All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
