if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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