the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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