Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We had to coat check the pizza.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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