after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
