Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
