I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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